really, really

I have been feeling a gradual shift over the past year. In the last two months, however, I've absolutely fallen headfirst (or heart-first, rather) into this feeling. The thing is, I really want a child. Like, really really. A few days before my wedding (and consequently honeymoon) one of my blog crushes A Cup of Jo announced she was expecting her own "little honeymoon surprise"... and BOOM. My future was only visible through baby-colored glasses.

I've tried in vain to rationalize & strategize my way out of this overwhelming feeling trying to focus instead on career and/or finances and/or any of the myriad of other aspirations I've had over the years. But, suddenly... nothing else matters. Nothing but this intense desire to have a family with the amazing man I just married.

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A dear friend spent her morning today in the doctor's office undergoing a "female procedure" which, while routine, proved quite trying. And, as she recounted this story we both cried. She, for the trauma of what she'd just undergone and I, for the familiarity of her tale as I relived my many similar visits over the last few years. We talked about how sensitive women's bodies are... how miraculous... and delicate. {This is when it hit me.} What I feel now? This desire? It's one of the most beautiful desires in the world. My body was made for this. Over the past few years, I've undergone three surgeries to mend my female-self. THIS is why. Giving myself the gift of this desire (and not trying to fight it) is one of the greatest gifts I could give.