really, really

I have been feeling a gradual shift over the past year. In the last two months, however, I've absolutely fallen headfirst (or heart-first, rather) into this feeling. The thing is, I really want a child. Like, really really. A few days before my wedding (and consequently honeymoon) one of my blog crushes A Cup of Jo announced she was expecting her own "little honeymoon surprise"... and BOOM. My future was only visible through baby-colored glasses.

I've tried in vain to rationalize & strategize my way out of this overwhelming feeling trying to focus instead on career and/or finances and/or any of the myriad of other aspirations I've had over the years. But, suddenly... nothing else matters. Nothing but this intense desire to have a family with the amazing man I just married.

_______________

A dear friend spent her morning today in the doctor's office undergoing a "female procedure" which, while routine, proved quite trying. And, as she recounted this story we both cried. She, for the trauma of what she'd just undergone and I, for the familiarity of her tale as I relived my many similar visits over the last few years. We talked about how sensitive women's bodies are... how miraculous... and delicate. {This is when it hit me.} What I feel now? This desire? It's one of the most beautiful desires in the world. My body was made for this. Over the past few years, I've undergone three surgeries to mend my female-self. THIS is why. Giving myself the gift of this desire (and not trying to fight it) is one of the greatest gifts I could give.

the five year gestation

A few years ago, while in an acting apprenticeship I took a workshop by some pretty badass folks who basically had us write about ourselves. Just about us. It was the starting point for our art. When it came time to put this collective piece into performance 3 of the 7 pieces were something I'd written (and there were over 20 of us in the workshop). The badass husband of this husband/wife led company pulled me aside and urged me to keep writing. But in my case, he wanted things to stay close to the vest. To my sheltered heart. Write only about what I knew.

I've thought about what he said often. Always felt it's presence top on my "I should" list. And there is so much to write about, honestly. For better or for worse my life is peppered with experiences most people can't even comprehend. I'm often told a story from a-day-in-my-life often sound like the stuff movies are made of. (every time I hear this, by the way, it just makes me feel like an effing loser for not having written the damn thing yet. so please, refrain.)

So, I'm going to give this a try... 5 years and many experiences later. Shit might get serious here. Forgive me.

work. Work. work. Work.

Dear Universe, I'd like a little less Capital-W and a little more little-w, please.

“(Capital-W) Work is what we have considered for years: your boss tells you to do something, you do it, and you get paid. By contrast, (little-w) work is motivated by inherent interest and generally unpaid. Think of the difference between an Encyclopedia Britannica editor doing Work, and a Wikipedia editor doing work during spare hours. Big Work drives the economy; little work drives the Internet. Big Work builds skyscrapers; little work generates a half million fanfiction stories about Harry Potter.”

The full article is @ Clay Shirky: Doing work, or Doing Work?

(via: swissmiss)

lonnylonnylonny

I am sitting at my desk on one of the most beautiful days we've had in LA in a while. My delicious pad thai leftovers are steaming in front of me. But rather than take this meal outside to be enjoyed under a canopy of trees, I am going to remain at a desk through my "lunch hour" and electronically flip through the latest edition of Lonny Magazine. I am prepared for inspiration and delight. Here I go...

PS: An afternoon walk is totally in the cards. Snow capped mountains. Clear blue sky. Crisp air. {squeal}

where happiness grows

This morning I found the NY Magazine article 50 Simple Steps to Happiness. I'm sure my husband will be happy with #13 and as I sit here 'n type I've got a little pup on my lap so I can certainly make #39 happen daily (although I wish hourly).

pretty prints

It's a unique excitement/curiosity/thrill to find out that one of your online faves is an actual brick&mortar. And thanks to Simple+Pretty I've now realized the folks featured years ago in Domino Magazine (who provided my home with this lovely print) are actually an LA-based shoppe. AND to make things better, they are having an event this Saturday, the Paper Dolls Handmade Valentine Show. Gaaah. I canNOT wait to be inspired... and hope I can resist buying the whole store.

{image via }

golden hour

Dear 2:00am,

You are a lovely hour for such things as late night cocktails or walking through the streets of Manhattan. Or planning world domination over a bottle of wine. Or even the 3rd game of Scrabble in a single night with friends. But, as an hour to rise & shine? No thank you. I even enjoyed you more in college making the one mile walk back to my apartment after the library closed.

If I promise to see you on the other side of slumber more often will you let me sleep past you on the nights I go to bed early? I'm willing to make that compromise: more late night fun in exchange for sleeping 'til my alarm goes off every once in a while.

Let me know your thoughts.

Thanks,

m*

(And yes, folks, I often closed down the library in college. Bars? Not so much. Library? All the time.)

{image via Oh the Modernity!}

envelope love

One of the things I fell in {love} with during wedding planning was (oddly enough) my envelope liner stencils. I made about 150 envelopes for the invitations and, at the last minute, lined the 30 or so thank you cards for our rehearsal dinner. And at that moment, as I gathered scraps of pretty paper from my craft boxes for my impromptu liners I was hooked. And now that I see these terribly inspiring images from Wild Ink I think my brain might explode.

{images via Simple+Pretty and Wild Ink}